I've been melancholy all week long.
I blame the weather...but we all know that isn't the truth.
We haven't had the typical Iowa winter with snow...everything just died and froze-talk about depressing, right?! It started with a walk down a painful memory lane. I hate it when I wander off the path of here & now and end up there. Trapped in past hurts and memories that I thought I was over, but somehow they have popped to the forefront of my mind.
To add insult to injury, I saw myself listed on a family member's 'family tree' section on FaceBook as 'unknown'. Not cousin or daughter or wife...but 'unknown'. It made me laugh & cry at the same time. One picture summed it all up...i was feeling unknown. Do you ever feel that way? I know at least one other person out there feels that way, she told me. She is a brave and real soul. She bares her heart, even when it is painful. I love that more than any other quality about people--raw and real.
It seems like the last several years have been filled with pain in relationships because I wasn't known. This post isn't pointing fingers, because when you point one--you've got four more pointing back at you. Everyone makes mistakes and there is always, always, always grace for those mistakes. But, when I honestly look back at the bumps and failings in relationships over the past years there is blame to be put on both sides. We failed to know one another's heart. Some of the failing had to come, because true and healthy relationship can't come when you can't know one another. Relationships can't live and grow in a place where you are unknown.
I am not in the place of having it all worked out...clearly. I am in the middle of feeling unknown in many aspects of my life. All I can share is what I am learning about the topic. I think the remedy lies in safe, loving relationships with people that aren't afraid of the real me and being that safe person for others as well. I am blessed to have some people in my life that can cry with me, laugh at my ridiculous behavior and love me despite myself. If you are unknown tonight, I hope you have someone in your life that truly knows you.